What the Bible says about Training up a child

Topics chevron-right Training up a child

Proverbs 22:6

Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

6 Child training. Proper training of children will endure throughout their lives. The second clause here provides the result of the first. The imperative, "train", includes the idea of "dedicate," and so the training should be with purpose. The NEB captures the point of early instruction: "Start a boy on the right road," i.e., "in the way he should go." There is a standard of life to which children should adhere. Of course, they would have to be young enough when change for the better is still possible. The consequence is that when they are old, they will not depart from it.

In recent years it has become popular to interpret this verse to mean that the training should be according to the child's way. That is, the wise parent will discern the natural bent of the individual child and train him or her accordingly. This may be a practical and useful idea, but it is not likely what this proverb had in mind. In Proverbs there are only two "ways" a child can go, the way of the wise and the righteous or the way of the fool and the wicked.

Read more from Expositors Bible Commentary (Abridged Edition): Old Testament

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

4 The child-parent relationship is not one-sided. A standard feature of Paul's treatment of these domestic categories is that the stronger have obligations to the weaker. The gospel introduced a fresh element into parental responsibility by insisting that the feelings of the child must be taken into consideration. In a society where the father's authority was absolute, this was revolutionary.

Paul addresses "fathers" as the heads of their families, though the term could mean "parents." Above all else, he warns them against goading their children into a state of perpetual resentment (cf. 4:26). He is not thinking of extreme instances like disinheritance, but the everyday tensions of family life. Fathers must not make unreasonable demands. Otherwise children, being overcorrected, may lose heart (cf. Col 3:21). Children should be treated with tenderness.

Children are a heritage from the Lord (Ps 127:4); they are to be reared for him. The verb "bring up" has to do in the first place with bodily nourishment (5:29) and then with education in its entirety. Paul mentions two aspects of such domestic education. "Training" in the Greco-Roman world meant strict discipline; what Paul is referring to here is training in righteousness. "Instruction" is correction by word of mouth. Remonstration and reproof are implied, but also advice and encouragement. What we have here is the beginning of Christian education in the home.

Read more from Expositors Bible Commentary (Abridged Edition): New Testament

Proverbs 13:24

24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

13:24 rod. There was a real concern in ancient legal (e.g., Sumerian Law Code; Ex 20:12) and wisdom writings to teach children to honor and obey their parents. For instance, the Assyrian sage Ahiqar makes the familiar statement that to “spare the rod is to spoil the child.” He also notes that those “who do not honor their parents’ name are cursed for their evil by Shamash, the god of justice.” The parents’ responsibility for their children is also a concern. The Egyptian “Instructions of Ankhsheshonq” points out that “the children of fools wander in the streets, but the children of the wise are at their parents’ sides” (compare the legal injunction regarding the rebellious son in Dt 21:18 – 21).

Read more from NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible